To Default Parent or Not?

A New Era

Our grandparents would look at us askew if we ever tossed the term “Default Parent”  into a casual conversation. They would likely need a definition, and you bet your biscuits they’d have an opinion. Many non-boomers (those of us currently in the throes of parenting) have differing views on the definition of the term and what is good or bad about it.

No matter what end of the argument you’re on, everyone can agree that parenting has changed since our grandparents' era. Social pressures. Social norms. Social media. We see people doing things differently than we do, and we might feel one or many of a lot of emotions. Jealous that they seem to have it under control. Prideful that we’ve got things dialed in a lot more than they do (and they’re sharing that with the world?!). Default parenting has become a hot topic people love to debate… and troll.

We’re not here to tell you what it means, if you’re doing it right, or if your honor needs defending (unlike Mushu, we never wish dishonor on you or your cow). We will tell you, however, that there is finally a way for you to bridge the gap and feel more supported and closer to your spouse than ever before.

Lighten Your Brain’s Load

One of the most common attributes of default parenting is the mental load of remembering everything related to parenting– laundry, getting new shoes, dinner plans, etc. Psychology Today talks about the fatigue parents often feel in these situations. Regardless of how you and your family want to move forward based on your view of default parenting and what it should or should not look like, we’re willing to bet that exhaustion is felt and something you’d be okay with having less of.

That exhaustion is a symptom of asking your brain to do something it’s simply not meant to do day after day– remember and recall loads of information. If you’re the default parent, one of the best things you can do to alleviate the exhaustion or stress you may be feeling is to offload everything in your mind into a system. AND share that system with your partner.

How is this done? Start small. You can reference this blog post to help you capture and organize everything cluttering your brain. There’s probably a lot more up there than you’re aware of. Taking all those things out of your brain and putting them in a system will immediately lighten that invisible load on your shoulders.

Use Pixie to Find Your Parenting Balance

You can either choose to share this with your partner or not. We know many default parents who are content with their parenting balance in their marriage. But there are also many who feel exhausted to the point of resentment. That’s hard on the relationship. Pixie aims to help save marriages by creating better modes of communication and collaboration. No matter the level of collaboration you use Pixie for, we believe this will be a game changer for you and your partner.

With your system built and shared in Pixie, you will have a greater capacity to laugh when your 4-year-old says, “10 points to Gryffindor,” 5 seconds after spilling her juice all over the table. You will have more energy to be an amateur storyteller every night (okay, most nights). You will have less anxiety knowing you’re not the sole keeper of keys and guard of information. You will have a greater ability to have softer start-ups with your partner when discussing family and home management topics.

Here’s to more energy, greater mental bandwidth, and smoother coordination.

Download Pixie today for free.